Fridge: Pre and Post Joe

After searching through my photo library with the intention of making a kitty montage, I came across some old pictures of my fridge that I used for a previous blog post: Ghetto Food Fabulous.

So now that Joe's been living here for ::gasp!:: seven? months now? dang... OUR fridge looks a little sumpthin like this:


Let's take inventory.

Old fridge contents:

-One plastic container of old grated Parmesan cheese
-Two containers of deli sliced honey ham mmmmm yum!
-Four bottles of water, one open
-One teeny thing of jell-o left over from when I was being a super cheap skate and decided to fill tiny gladware containers with jell-o
-One half filled thing of salsa
-Horse radish from when Joe made bloody mary's... six months ago...
-Pickles?
-Another half eaten jar of salsa
-A very old jar of Miracle Whip, but I don't think that stuff goes bad
-One seedless cucumber
-My leftovers and lunch for tomorrow in the gladware
-Half an onion
-Part of a garlic thingy that used to be whole but I had to throw half of it away because it started to sprout
-Asparagus
-Half a bag of pre-mixed spring greens

New Fridge Contents:

-Freshly bought grated parmesian cheese including a wedge to be grated
-Two containers of lunch meat
-Bottled water
-We ate the rest of the salsa last night, but a jar of cheese dip remains
-Bread and Butter pickles
-Milk
-Chicken Stock
-Eggs
-Jalapenos
-Goose Island beer sampler... mmmmmmmm goose island beer sampler
-Regular coke
-Homemade twix bars (obviously not homemade by ME)
-Some sort of meat from the butcher plus bacon
-Homemade pasta sauce
-Assorted jellies
-Garlic
-Some black stuff in a tupperware container??
-Turkey somethin or other

My Life is Over, Apparently

Last Friday I went for tapas and sangria with some amigos! It was muy divertido. Afterwards, we headed out to a local bar. Part of our group left leaving me and my friend Lauren. We stayed because my hubby told me he was on his way there with some friends. While we were sitting at a table, sipping on some cheap beers, a guy in a What Would Chuck Norris Do t-shirt starts hitting on us.

WWCND: So... you guys still in school?
Me and Lauren simultaneously: ugh... nooooo, why? How old are you?
WWCND: 29.
Me: Really? Normally guys who are 29 don't bother asking that question.
WW: Naw naw, seriously I'm 29.

Oy. It was pretty much downhill from there, but at least he was entertaining. He claimed to have majored in Engineering in undergrad, and then gone to law school and now he's a personal injury lawyer. I can't make this shit up people. Anyway, turns out he's just buttering us up for his friends! Yes, he was a gen-u-wine bar fluffer. It was weird. So naturally I told him I was married and Lauren has a boyfriend. He was a good sport about it, some guys get all offended or whatever. He introduced us to one of his friends standing nearby anyway and his friend got one sentence out before he declared to him how I was married. Which, I do not care being called out because I am and I'd rather not put up false pretenses.

So this guy looks at me and with a straight and very serious face says "So what are you doing at the bar?" What am I doing at the bar??? What does it look like I'm doing? I'm enjoying a beer with a friend while getting buttered up by your fluffer friend over here. And now I can see why you need him because you are apparently void of any and all people skills.

I apparently had one too many because it virtually ruined the rest of my night which I spent thinking up better things to say back to void people skills guy than what I did say which was "I'm having a few beers with friends." What I could/should've said:

"What are you doing at the bar?"
1."Well I know what YOU'RE doing at the bar."

2."You're right, I should be at home having endless hot sex with my husband, but instead I'm talking to jerks like you."

3."Trying to pick up guys since my husband's out of town. HAHA! Oh no, that's what you were hoping I'd say isn't it?"

4."Drowning my married life sorrows with crazy amounts of drinking. Woe is me... woe."

5."Hoping Girls Gone Wild will show up. I'm determined to get on their Desperate Housewives edition."

6."Shopping for sperm donors. We're having trouble conceiving and we figure this is cheaper than invitro."

7."I'm sorry, all I heard was 'blah blah blah I'm desperate'."

8."Apparently attracting assholes."

9."I have this weird disease where if someone doesn't make a jerkass comment to me every hour I die. Thanks for filling the quota."

10."Hoping my husband doesn't catch me because then the whole 'fake pregnancy' story is totally blown!"

RANDOM KITTY BONUS PIC!

Quittin Time

Survey: What do you think would be the most amusing way to quit your job? Add to these suggestions in the comments section.

Suggestions:

A. Any time anyone asks you for anything say 'no'.

"Nicole, will you forward this email to so and so"
"No."

"Nicole, are you going to answer that?"
"No."

"Nicole, can you tell me - "
"No."

B. Give yourself a pedicure at your desk.

C. Start wearing questionable t-shirts to work like: "My parents beat me & I turned out fine." or "Gin and Jews" or "Mojitos, mo' problems."

D. Walk past a conference room, double over like you're going to puke, dry heave, stand up, wave, carry on.

E. Put up various pictures of yourself with random drunks at bars, top optional, cross-dressers preferred.

F. Show up at the Holiday party and offer to get everyone a drink. The next day at work ask for your money back and insist it was a cash bar.

G. Make up things about your department/specialty and insist you're right.
"Why would I ask for an 80MVA transformer, clearly I said 80GVA."
"Isn't that really big?"
"Well then how do you explain how an ipod can hold 80GB??? HMM?? OBVIOUSLY a transformer is more powerful than an ipod. Jesus!"

H. Start commenting under your breath about everybody's outfit.
"Cannot beLIEVE she thinks those colors go together."
"What?"
"What?"

I. Insist the printer is broken. Always. All four of them.

J. Start calling your boss a catchy nickname like "Butch" or "Kid" or "Speedy."

K. End all sentences with a religious connotation (not necessarily yours).
"The document went out today Praise Allah!"
"The computer, God Bless it so, keeps fucking crashing when I'm on Excel, sweet baby Jesus."

L. Interrupt all work-related conversations to talk about your cats. No it doesn't matter if you really have cats.
"So we're going to have to get these out by -"
"OH MY GOSH that reminds me, so last night I was about to go out and Fluffy and Spotty were all like 'mew!' and I was like 'mew?' and they ANSWERED ME!"

M. ???

Letters to George

Every have that one co-worker that always picks at you? And it seems like no matter what you say or do the situation never gets better and never goes away? You just keep getting completely whack-o emails and there's no way to remedy the situation!

If only you could just tell your co-worker off!

Well do it! VENT! Write your 'Dear George'.

Dear George,

No I will not make out with you.


Dear George,

Drink the Kool-aid.

Cheers!


Dear George,

Late at night, when I'm in bed, naked, I think of you...


...dying in a fire.
Sweet Dreams!


Dear George,

I'M A REPUBLICAN!


Dear George,

Hey! Know what I like? Kittens!
Know what I don't like? YOU!


Dear George,

The common loon (Gavia immer) is a bird found in Northern Michigan and other parts of the US / Canada Border.

The office loon (Psychovia Georgimmer) is a loser found in the front office.

Both should be shot upon visual contact.


Dear George,

I love it when you talk dirty

Thinking of you!


George,

I know I can help you, but first we have to test your thetans.


George,

I think of you when I clean my toilet, you're both full of sh*t!


Dear George,

You know when you're a kid and you're parents get divorced they tell you it wasn't your fault? They lied.

Come on! Give it a try! Write a Dear George!

*Special thanks to Joanie for her contributions ;)

It'll make you feel better, I promise!

Crazy M

I haven't posted in a while, so I thought I would this morning with some amusing stories about my podmate.

I work in a cubicle with three other people, and the girl across the corner is a little wacky. For instance, she'll blurt out personal questions during total silence. One day I was sitting at my computer, back to her and I hear, "ARE YOU HAVING KIDS?" What if I were barren??? Not to mention that's none of her business. Okay, whatever, a little strange.

Last week she let out a loud burp followed by "Excuse me!", and then burped AGAIN and said, "ExCUSE me!" and then started laughing hysterically. Seriously, laughed for quite a while everyone else just kind of sat there awkwardly. So she's a little socially inept.

She'll also count out drawing numbers, out loud, hundreds of them. A little annoying.

So it really didn't surprise me that today she comes in and she's got the sniffles... awww... She decides to do what any other person would do, stuff kleenex up both her nostrils. It's hanging out for everyone to see. Hotness.

I guess she just kind of adds to the wacky atmosphere here at the office.

There's the whistling guy. Thankfully he's stopped since I've asked him, I've given him credit for that. He's made such amazingly condescending comments to me like, "I guess you're not just another pretty face" and "Good job, I'm proud of you!" when I'm speaking in Spanish to someone.

I think my favorite is the guy who uses outdated emoticons in everything. EVERYTHING. Every email even to our client! I practically peed my pants when I saw the following message in a conference room:

"Room Reserved for 11/9
and 11/10 :>/"

Yes, he wrote out the colon, carrot and backslash.

I could go on about some others, but right now I think these are my favorites.

Happy Halloween!

Joe and I had a loverly Saturday. We stayed in, as evidenced by my blog post on a Saturday night. In my defense, it is freeeeezing outside! So this morning (or rather 2p.m. otherwise known as 'Joe and Nicole morning' time) we walked down Clark St. to see if the farmer's market was open. It wasn't. Pretty uneventful. But we stopped at Oven Grinder's and got some amazing pizza. They bake it in bowls with the crust on top so when you flip it over it looks like a mushroom cap full of goodness. I just ate my leftovers.

After the pizza, we went to the lovely local grocer's and picked up, among other things, a pumpkin to carve. Yea! I haven't carved a pumpkin in a really long time. Joe's idea was to, "make it a mew mew." I did the ears, a couple whiskers and Joe did the rest. Here is our finished product:

No, it's NOT a mouse!

I think we did an excellent job even with our limited artistic ability. In fact, I guess we did TOO good of a job because Bear is terrified of this thing. TERRIFIED. I was trying to take a lovely Halloween family photo and he was having none of it.

It's gonna EAT ME!!!

His little paws are gripping my arm with a death-like vice. Despite several attempts to warm bear up to Pumpkin, our new cat, not even treats could get him up on the table. The closest he got was me holding him on the edge of the table. He was very upset. Who knew black cats and pumpkins really don't get along??

LIE

Clarktoberfest?

The street I live on (Clark St.) is organizing an event this weekend. It's called... CLARKTOBERFEST!!!! What is it, you ask? I dunno... no seriously, I can't figure it out. I have no clue what exactly will be going on at Clarktoberfest. As far as I can tell, these are the nifty things I have to look forward to that Clark Street is celebrating:

Increased sidewalk area
Snowplowing services on said sidewalks
A clean-up crew has been hired to pick up garbage and debris on Clark Street every Wednesday, Saturday, and Sunday (does this include the homeless? just askin'...)
Decorations were provided on the street poles for the holidays (oooooo faaaancy!)
Power washing of the sidewalks

So I know what we're supposed to be excited about, but still, wtf is Clarktoberfest?? Maybe the poster will provide clues...

Hmm.... sot here wil be joggers and dogs eh? Interesting...

From the website: "Clarktoberfest will kick off on Saturday at 10:00 a.m. on the patio at Ranalli’s on Clark (2301 N. Clark) with an unveiling ceremony, during which the Clark Street SSA will officially make public the new Clark by the Park logo. The Clarktoberfest festivities also include sidewalk sales, live music, food samples and other giveaways, such as Clark by the Park-branded tee-shirts and dog treats, walking maps, and coupons."

Ooooo! Logos. Snazzy. I hope they're giving away commemoral Clark St. t-shirts. (OMG I was totally joking about the t-shirts, and I just re-read that section and saw them... wow. Clark St. REPRESENT!) And I am all about food samples. Not too crazy bout dog treats though.

Continued: "Clarktoberfest also marks the beginning of a marketing campaign aimed at reducing storefront vacancies and alerting Chicago residents to the variety of shopping and dining opportunities available on Clark Street."

I have to say there is a crazy amount of storefront vacancies on the street. Quizno's didn't even survive! (To its credit, there's another Quizno's four blocks away on Lincoln, so it might not have been the best idea to put a new one there, but whatever.) Just recently, I saw some of my favorite crazy cheap jewelry stores are going out of business. Who knew that closing at 3 during the week would do that? On a more serious note, I found out this morning that Tower Records is liquidizing its stores. There's a Tower Records that occupies the entire second floor of my building. I consider them to be my favorite neighbor. They don't ever make any noise at night and they didn't complain when my toilet overflowed (I thought the water had gone down when I flushed it again, it was an OPTICAL ILLUSION I TELL YOU).

Then there are the stores I think should be out of business. Like my cleaners that used to be next day... and has mysteriously stretched to an unbelievable four days! Or the five or six sushi stores on the same two blocks. I am loyal to my Sushi Para Too and their $16.99 all you can eat special. There are two Indian cuisine restaurants with a Mexican place inbetween them. The wine bar??? I have no idea if anybody ever goes there because the windows are tinted. Finally, the one I really don't get, Rose's Perks. This place recently opened up very close to my home and I can't, for the life of me figure out what it is. There's a picture of coffee, but there is no coffee sold there. The inside is painted a deep purple and a neon green, but there's two seating chairs and a coffee table that look like something out of grandma's house. So what's in there, you ask? A collection of crap that looks like someone pulled it out of their attic and decided to try and sell it. She should rename her shop Garage Sale.

To Clark St.'s credit there really is no reason why these stores should be going out of business. It's a busy street and it's in a great location. And here I'm referring to the stretch of Clark from Armitage to Diversey. There's a high school right there, and DuPaul is directly west, with the Fullerton beach access directly east. Lincoln Park Zoo is blocks away! Maybe the problem is the rent? This is possible seeing as the majority of places that I do see vacant are managed by the same company. They have loads of great places that would make me cry if they went out of business (my staples in order of importance):

1. Sushi Para Too... do NOT take away my sushi, I will die and God knows Brandon will never come to visit me again.
2. The Golden Cup, I neeeeeeeeeeeeeeed their pancakes at 2p.m. on Sundays
3. Ranalli's, pizza until 5a.m.!
4. Walgreen's, it's just essential
5. Hema's Kitchen, gotta get me some curry
6. Galway Arms, I really don't go here to get some ecclectic Irish food as much as I should
7. Express, it's practically in my basement. I get to know about their sales before anyone else.
8. Dunlay's, goat cheese pizza and spinach artichoke dip are awesome
9. Weiner Circle, this is many people's favorite, mostly I just like to laugh whenever I see the sign and a line out the door at 12a.m. on Fridays.
10. PAWS, I just like seeing the kitties! mew mew mew

Anybody have any other favorite Clark St. stores/restaurants?

Chi Town & Other Randomness

How much do I love Chi Town?

THIS MUCH!

This morning, while waiting for the bus, I saw a man, aged around 60 in a plaid shirt, overalls riding an adult-sized tricycle down the sidewalk. Yes, a tricycle. It was blue. I believe it had a basket. I looked for cameras, saw none. Now, I'm used to seeing dogs in strollers and all that, but an adult man on a tricycle?? Get a motorized Rascal like everyone else your age you crazy whack-a-doo!

p.s. He definitely had his gray hair tied back in a pony tail too.

Other random thoughts:

Halloween!!! J's par-tah is at the end of the month and I am so damn excited. So excited every time I read her 'Bring your own booooooos' part of the invitation I laugh hysterically. Tee hee.... boooooos, CLASSIC.

Thanksgiving!!! Officially going to Pittsburgh for the holiday. Bringing my new hubby (HUBBY!) with me. I cannot wait to see the fam, especially our new addition, Kelly's new baby Ryan!! And I know he is just dying to see the nasty, horrible blanket I'm making him. It started out as a good idea, but alas, it has died. Will post pics later. Am thinking of keeping it and putting it over the arms of my couch so that the cats rip that apart instead of my apolstery. I think that's much better than bringing it with and saying "Hey look Kel! I can instantaneously make your baby cry! Look at this! Yep, the monkeys face looks like it's been beaten in, tis true."

UPDATE:

Why does my monkey have only one ear?? AND NO BODY?!?!?!?

WHAT'S on my head??!!!

When Santa got dirty and drunk, the monkies took their revenge...

He tried to hide under some garbage...

But there was no escape!!!!

BONUS KITTY PICTURES!!!

LOVE LUMPS!

AH! Two-headed cat!! They're guarding the trap door.... to my heart... awwwww!!!

Overheard in Nicole's House

Too Many Pepe le Piu Cartoons

My mom: Bryan, are you going to take Spanish or French this year?
Bry: French
M: I don't know, it's really hard and both Nicole and I can help you with the Spanish.
B: No it's not! You just put 'le' in front of everything. Le I am le going to le speak frances.

AIM Conversations
How much?

Nicole82: Ok bye! I love you!
Nicole82: THIS MUCH!!
Ross89: I love you too!
Ross89: this much

Ah the Computer Illiterate

Mom41: Hi, it's your mom.
Nicole82: Yes I know, hello.
....five minutes later...
Mom41: Bye! love, Mom

Wait... Did I Just Tell you...
(At dinner after a couple glasses of wine)
Mom: So the baby shower was a lot of fun?
Me: Oh yah, we had a great time even though the weather was awful and nobody came.
Dad: It's nice that you got to go though.
Me: I know! There are so many baby showers going on! Kathleen's, Kelly's, a girl I work with. There must be something in the water, I'm drinking bottled from now on.
::laughing::
Me (thinking): Wait... did I just tell my parents that Joe and I are...

Denial
Me: So I know I've told you guys it's a possibility that Joe will move in with me after his lease is up. Well, we've decided that's the best thing to do so he'll be moving in at the end of the month.
Mom: hmm... Well make him help you paint this place!
Dad: What? You're worried about the PAINT?

A Little Awkward
Joe: Thanks so much for helping me move this mattress.
Dad: Yah Nicole said she doesn't like hers any more and that yours is a lot better.
Joe: Yah she does...
Dad: Uh-huh...
Joe: ummm...

Blaaaaaaaah

I haven't been to class for a while now. I have just been a little crazed with wedding stuff going on and some snags that have come up. Joe's moving in all of his stuff tomorrow into OUR place! He moved all the important stuff on Tuesday (read: computer and laundry). Since he doesn't start work until 2p.m. he gets to stay in OUR bed all morning. Which makes me want to skip work all the time just so I can get in some good nappin.

Joe's slowly trying to win my kitties over. He said Fenster's been jumping into bed to sleep with him. Which doesn't surprise me because Mew-mew is a giant whore. He's getting worse too. People come over, he comes into the room to see what's up and starts the whoring. Typical whoring strategy begins with making enticing 'mew' sounds and rubbing his face on everything and anything. Manusbear's strategy is limited to me only. It consists of running in front of me into the bedroom, jumping on the bed, laying down with his back to me and then looking back over his shoulder coyly "Wanna pet me? eh? EH? I know you wanna! Look at my lovelumps! They're ADORABLE!" And then turning into a croggity old man. "I can't believe you jostled me slightly by laying down on the bed! Oh!? OH? FENSTER wants some attention?? Well FUCK THAT! I'm going to go lick myself in front of the balcony where all the neighbors can see!"

Little did Joe realize that when he moved in he adopted both a whorey man and a grumpy one. OH! And don't even get me started on the guinea pig.

Summer Sesssion is Ending...

With the wedding right around the corner (AH!) I decided not to sign up for the next session of ballet. The instructor said I could pay as I went along, so I think I'm going to do that. I can't stop altogether!

Yesterday we only had four people in the class. I wore a $5 long jersey tank top that was cut on the edges and my hott pants. I felt very 80s waspy. I have decided that Forever 21 is my new favorite ballet gear store. Little do they know their collection of retro 80s t-shirts are my Mecca. I just bought one of those long sleeved tie shirts (in turqouies) that only cover your boobs for like $4. It will look spectacular over my black leotard. I love that people actually wear this crap around, and I only wear it to ballet class. I also have a hoodie that has its arms cut off and shows off the mid-drift. I bought it with Meg one day.

Me: Hey Meg! If I was walking with you and I was wearing this would you cross the street?
Meg: Oooooh, I'm sure I've worn plenty of stuff you wouldn't want to be seen with.
Me: ...No.
Meg: Then yes.

As real clothes go I think I have a couple of tops from Forever 21 that I actually wear in public, but they're all the kind of thing where you have to wear something under them, like a tank top so that people don't stop and point at your bra. And so that Joe doesn't call me 'Hooty McBoobs.'

We did a lot of jumps in ballet class yesterday and today my calves are really sore. I love how the teacher goes into the whole explanation of "jump in fifth one two three four, and sissone one two and royale and step back side front, royale, and back side BACK and now left one two three four, and sissone one two and royale and step right back side front, royale and back side back NOW the ARMS" WHA? NO ARMS! ME NO DO ARMS. I didn't do arms... She was talking about this whole shoulder thing, frankly it was lost on me. I mean seriously, she's lucky if I don't run into somebody. I practiced it later at home except holding onto something. The cats enjoyed the show.

Fenster Embraces his Heritage

Ok ok ok ok.... which one do I submit to www.stuffonmycat.com ....

Option 1: Direct, unashamed

Option 2: Closer, coy
Option 3: Where the hell is my tail?? Taaaail! Tail? wtf?

Mmmmm Ghetto Food Fabulous

I am a ghetto food aficionado. Joe's the actual worshipper of all things long, laborious and there fore delicioso in the food industry. I am the huge shortcut girl. Making your own chicken stock? Pish-shaw! So I'm always in search of the perfect recipes which means they don't take longer than half an hour and they use ingredients I have in my fridge. ...The latter option is more of a problem. View below:

This is my fridge. Contents:
-One plastic container of old grated Parmesan cheese
-Two containers of deli sliced honey ham mmmmm yum!
-Four bottles of water, one open
-One teeny thing of jell-o left over from when I was being a super cheap skate and decided to fill tiny gladware containers with jell-o
-One half filled thing of salsa
-Horse radish from when Joe made bloody mary's... six months ago...
-Pickles?
-Another half eaten jar of salsa
-A very old jar of Miracle Whip, but I don't think that stuff goes bad
-One seedless cucumber
-My leftovers and lunch for tomorrow in the gladware
-Half an onion
-Part of a garlic thingy that used to be whole but I had to throw half of it away because it started to sprout
-Asparagus
-Half a bag of pre-mixed spring greens

In the door:

-Two things of mustard
-Butta
-Three jars of empty salad dressing
-One jar of fat free Ranch that I will never eat
-One water bottle full of pear chipotle marinade mmmm
-One jar full of ginger soy marinade
-Half a thing of milk which is amazingly unspoiled
-Chai tea mix mmm

So what recipe could I possible find that would work?? THE BEST ONE EVA!!! Here is, courtesy of Better Homes magazine, a crazy good recipe I modified a wee bit so I could make it, and it was awesome.

Prep: 15 minutes
Grill: 12 minutes
Ingredients

• 4 medium skinless, boneless chicken breast halves (about 1 pound total) (frozen in my freezer yea!)
• 2 teaspoons toasted sesame oil (leftover from when Joe and I attempted Chicken Curry. Note: Curry powder NOT the same as Curry paste... this took two tries)
  
• 1/2 teaspoon crushed red pepper
• 2 tablespoons sugar
• 2 tablespoons peanut butter (me gots the crunchy kind yea!!)
  
• 2 tablespoons soy sauce (every good single girl has at least leftover packets of this stuff)
  
• 1 tablespoon cooking oil (I used peanut oil... I like making popcorn on the stove and it's definitely the best for that - thanks Kate!)
  
• 1 clove garlic, minced
• 4 French-style rolls, split (aw french my big white butt)
  
• 1/4 cup radish sprouts (yah cut this out)
  
• 1/2 cup packaged shredded broccoli (broccoli slaw mix) (how bouts spring greens?)
  
• 1/4 cup chopped peanuts (optional) (already included in the peanut butter! look at me I am a cooking multi-tasker!)
  

Directions
1. Rinse chicken; pat dry. Combine sesame oil and crushed red pepper; brush over chicken.
2. Grill chicken on the lightly greased rack of an uncovered grill directly over medium heat for 12 to 15 minutes or until tender and no longer pink, turning once.
3. Meanwhile, for sauce, in a small saucepan,* stir together sugar, peanut butter, soy sauce, oil, garlic, and 2 tablespoons water. Heat on grill rack until sugar is dissolved, stirring frequently. For the last 1 minute of grilling, place split rolls on the grill rack to toast. I definitely did not do this on the grill because I don't want to ruin what little pans I have. Also, little note to you... do NOT put the oil in first when the pan is hot and THEN the soy sauce KABOOM! There was smoke and soy sauce all up in my everywhere. The next time I put the soy sauce first when the pan was a lot cooler and it worked perfect. I guess the whole put is just to barely warm things up just so the sugar dissolves... Made me very glad I wasn't an over-achiever and decide to do it on the grill. Yah and screw the fancy shmancy rolls, I just put it right on my salad instant mix.
4. To serve, place cooked chicken breasts on bottom halves of rolls; spoon on sauce and top with radish sprouts, broccoli, peanuts (if desired), and roll tops. Makes 4 servings. Blah blah blah they're lucky I didn't eat it with my hands... No! I DID eat it with a fork and knife... but they said nothing about not licking the pan with the peanut sauce... mmmmmmmm
*Note: The heat from the grill will blacken the outside of the saucepan, so use an old one or a small cast-iron skillet.
Nutrition facts per serving: calories: 360; total fat: 14g; saturated fat: 3g; cholesterol: 59mg; sodium: 852mg; carbohydrate: 29g; fiber: 1g; protein: 28g; vitamin A: 3%; vitamin C: 14%; calcium: 4%; iron: 14%

So this really really turned out well. But I am totally stealing this peanut sauce. I will slather it on pasta, chicken, all over my body, everywhere!!! It is so daaaang good. Me loves me some peanut sauce, but there is only one kind that they sell at my grocery store and it's too spicy for my taste. I've looked at other recipes for it, but they are WAY more complicated and sometimes require a food processor?? Screw that - I'm lucky I have pots and pans. Although, after this wedding I will probably have the option of selling the Le Creuset to pay for Joe's school loans... It's nice to have assets to fall back on.

p.s. check out the picture on William Sonoma website.... awww gawd ::drools:: me loves me some lobster.

p.p.s. BONUS KIITTY PIC!!! On the window sill:

Oh So Totally 80s

I wore the best ballet outfit eva today to class. I had my pink cut-off tights, black leotard and my off one shoulder lose 80s graphic t-shirt. It is da bomb dot com. Yah I spelled that out all right. I love my tights. I definitely got a size too small because the elastic at the cut-off part is leaving impressions on my calves (I always have to get huge sized tights no matter what the sizing chart says due to my abnormal limbs, but we have covered this). Still, they suck me in and make me feel stronger. Either it's the pilates abs class I'm taking or the tights, but I feel like my 'core' is getting more solid. That's right! Just try and punch me in the gut when I have these things on, you're gonna like totally break your hand.

p.s. The Breakfast Club is definitely on abc Family tonight.
p.p.s. Sadly, the guy who plays the principal died yesterday or today I think. And not from breakin skulls.

Speaking about throw-downs, I ran into an interesting punk today. I was on the red line and it is just packed. Of course, nobody gets on at my stop (Monroe) because there's nothing really there except for the Palmer House Hilton. So I got a prime seat. I wasn't far too from the door. Unfortunately, five stops later, there are people jam-packed in the aisles and one of the doors isn't working on one side. Awesome, right? My stop is next. I contemplate moving toward the door and quickly veto that idea seeing as I can't even stand up. The train slows down, I gesture to the guy next to me I'm getting off and he tries to move to the side. The doors open, it's like the parting of the Red Sea except much more awkward and sweaty and there were no divine powers involved. At this point, people are already pushing themselves onto the train. I'm doing the 'scuse me, sorry, thanks, scuse me' routine, and one guy is nice enough to yell out 'Coming off!' So the people start backing off and this chick in front of me who is trying to get on goes, 'Watch it, bitch!'

She is a lovely 5' nothing in a green trucker hat with a scowl on her face and all I can muster is "Excuse ME" and I push myself off. She is so lucky I walked away because I was ready to take that hobag on. Booya! That's right! Lookin at me like she's gonna do sumthin, whatev!

I spent the rest of my way home visualizing myself waiting until right before the train doors close, snatching the Von Dutch hat off her head screaming "Watch THIS!" and running for it. I may also possibly flip her the bird, haven't decided.

Of course, in reality, how this would really go is I snatch the hat too soon and trip over my flip-flops as soon as I get to the stairs and her and her wannabe thugs jump me and take my ipod... and my turqouise ipod case... and break all my fingers... but not before I get in some good clawing and scratching haha!

Follow-Up: Here's my Totally 80s T

But I Don't Even Get Paid to Deal with This

I had a ridiculous flashback to my years as a resident advisor last night. It was scary. So my neighbor on one side that I've seen maybe twice decided to throw a party. Fine, whatever. Well, it gets to be around 12:30 and all I hear is literally screaming, SCREAMING. Girls squealing and guys screaming out the window. I am too old for this crap. I heard my other neighbor knock on the door and ask them to keep it down about an hour ago. So I head over, in my pajama top, jeans, my hair all gross because I worked out and knocked on the door.

"SHHHH!!! SHHHH!!!"
"Just like don't even answer it man, don't even answer it."
::shuffling around, possible hiding of solo cups lol::
::I knock again::
"Man just ANSWER IT!"
"Naw naw, they'll go away, just don't even answer it."
me, annoyed, "Just answer the door, I'm not going anywhere."
::knock again:: Guy comes to the door
guy: Do you live in the building?
me (thinking: no, actually I live across the street. wtf? YAH!)
me: You don't live here, I need to speak to the guy who lives here.
guy: Aw it's his 21st birthday! WOO!
girl behind him: We're leaving in like TWO minutes, I swear.
me: Yah, uh-huh ok. I need to sleep. I've got work tomorrow -
guy: Aw really? What do you do?
me (thinking: wtf? I am NOT having a freaking conversation with you right now): I'm an electrical engineer.
guy: Oh yah?
me: Yah I'm badass.
guy: We're going to leave in like two minutes, I promise. PROMISE! Pinkie swear?
me: no.
guy: Yah we're outta here in TWO minutes.
me: Ok, you're leaving, I'm sleeping, cuz if I'm not sleeping, I'm at your door. Awesome. G'nite.
guy ::motions the high five, I leave him hanging::

What busts my chops about this is that his place is definitely a $400,000 condo ... and now it's a $400,000 condo that reeks of bad beer. I don't think his daddy's getting a good return on this one.

Dobeedobeedoooo

Wednesday...

Boring boring Wednesday...

...until 7 p.m. when I will be forgoing my ballet class and heading to Goose Island for

*****BEER NACHOS*****

Due to my wedding 'diet' (otherwise known as the Nicole system) whose basic motto is "don't eat things that are obviously bad for you, like entire bags of doritos or french fries with mayonnaise, or entire bags of lime tostitos with salsa, or basically entire boxes/bags of anything in one sitting" I will be eating only beer nachos. I know this sounds minimalist but that's obviously because you haven't HAD beer nachos from Goose Island. Suriously... four people can make a meal out of these things. They serve nachos with jalepenos, cheese, and your choice of meat with a giant bread bowl filled with beer cheese. The thing is bottomless, I swear to God. In fact, I've been preparing myself for my meal of beer nachos by eating only oatmeal for breakfast and a 4/5 pt. lean cuisine for lunch (that's four or five not four fifths)... and 2 medium sized pretzels. Now I must fast.

So the Nicole system is a little more complicated than that, but in the beginning those were my basic guidelines and YES it was hard for me to resist the huge bags of potato chips. I can't remember the last time I had a dorito unless you can count those dried out pieces of baked crap I'll sometimes pick out at Jimmy John's with my slim sub with ::gulp:: mustard, no mayo. But of course I don't miss that... wtf! YES I MISS THAT! I miss being freaking 15 yrs. old, 125 lbs., 5'7" eating a box of ho ho's when I came home from school and drowning my sandwiches in ::drooling:: Helmann's real mayonnaise ...gawwww... I mean suriously, if the clouds parted and a voice boomed "You can eat whatever you want and stay amazingly skinny" I truly believe any health-conscious person would drop the tofu and head to Fannie Mae, screw the chloresterol. Anyone who talks up how they would never go back is a LIAR!!! LIIIIIAR!! "I don't even miss those big juicy cheeseburgers -" LIE!! I guess my point is, all in moderation. So to save my wedding diet sanity, I'm going to get beer nachos.

Nicole Tries Ballet New Session

Yesterday I was having kind of a bad day. I'd bought a new dress, a strapless one and I had to wrestle with my boobs to make it work. There was the regular strapless bra, the boustie, I even tried tape. Twenty minutes later, the girls are looking good, but I've slipped into the kind of depressed mood where I want to sit in my pajama pants and watch reruns of Top Chef while eating endless amounts of wheat thins and boursin cheese (THE best cheese ever) and drink a tub of Crystal Light Lemonade. Somehow this makes me feel like I'm somewhat near being a Top Chef... it's the cheese.

But I resisted. I said NO, No Nicole, you will not let boobs ruin your day, you will stuff those ladies into a double layer of bras, wear your favorite 'Kiss me I'm Irish' t-shirt (somewhat false advertising seeing as I wouldn't let you kiss me and I'm really only 25% Irish but no matter), throw on those hott pants and go to ballet! And then it hailed... Luckily it stopped before class and I was determined to make it out.

Off I went! Hott pants and all, through the lovely condominium meeting in my lobby. And ballet class of course wound up being a great stress reliever yet again. Maybe it's because no matter what, you can't help but see yourself in a great big tutu twirling around, and let's face it, you just cannot be in a bad mood after that. It's just too ridiculous to be sad about. Makes me wish I had class twice a week.

So here I am at work today, wishing I were at ballet class. Because there, I can wear legwarmers. And I got the ones with stirrups for your feet that go up to your thighs and they. are. awesome.

Hellooooo

Here I am at work, still waiting for a new project to start, dragging out my 15 min. of actual work to last all day, and I thought I'd talk about the new ballet session! YEA!!!

Our first class was May 3rd. The only people who have returned are T-back, actress and me. There are a bunch of new people who have never taken and one girl who is really good. But she only came to the class on the 3rd, so I think she dropped it. This makes me, dum dum DUUUMMMM! The Best Dancer in the Class!! Amazing, isn't it?

I practice my backbend solo for the modern section of our ballet repertoire

The first class was pretty boring because we spent a loooooooong time at the bar going over things I alread knew. The second class was a bit better but we did pirouhettes! I HATE pirouttes.

I'm... getting... so... dizzy!

Otherwise, it went well. I love going, it's such a stress reliever. Gaw! I'm ready to get out of this building!!!

Doc

I realized I never did a follow-up post on what really went down in my back doc appt. It was thrilling. And by thrilling, I mean a colossal waste of my time. Although the x-ray guy did give me some oreos so at least I didn't go hungry. But I probably walked around the rest of the afternoon with oreo in my teeth. Hotness.

Doc: So it doesn't look like your spine curvature has gotten worse.
Me: Well no, of course not, I'm dealing with pain associated with an injury in high school.
Doc: Aha...
Me: I get these shooting pains around my rib cage and it hurts more when I breathe in, they usually last now for about half an hour. Before they went away after a couple minutes.
Doc: Hmm... Does the pain inhibit you from any of your normal activities?
Me (confused): Well yah, I mean I can't really breathe.
Doc: No no, I mean normally.
Me (more confused): Uhh... yah because I can't breathe.
Doc: No! I mean AFTER the pain is gone.
Me (ready to strangle someone): Of course not, because then the pain is gone.
Doc: Right, riiiiiiight... hmmm... we-ell, since it's not interfering with your daily life I suggest you give us a call if it gets worse over the next couple of months.
Me: Isn't that... what I just did?
Doc: We could give you an MRI but I sincerely doubt that would show anything.
Me: Ok... so what am I supposed to do?
Doc: Call me if it gets worse, in the meantime I'm giving you some literature on vitamins, they are shown to improve joints.
Me: Vitamins????
Doc: Oh yes, I highly recommend the vitamins.

So I left, with yet another set of lovely x-rays and an article on effing vitamins. I'm so excited for the bill to arrive.

When I got home I started searching breast reduction surgery. I was totally for it, but after seeing some of these pictures... ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. I think I'll wait this one out as long as humanly possible.

Update: so it's been weeks after the doc visit. And back pain wound be the same. Vitamin article remains unread. Sue me.

Mew?

On my train ride home today (or rather my train ride to my bus ride home), I spotted the 55+ year old man across from me reading THIS:


Ah yes, Warriors: Into the Wild. It is also followed by Warriors: Fire and Ice. Read the thrilling synopsis from Amazon.com below:

Grade 5 Up-Rusty, a young "kittypet" (house cat), yearns for adventure. When he's offered the chance to join the ThunderClan, one of the gangs of feral cats in the area, he doesn't hesitate. Renamed Firepaw, he becomes an apprentice and begins to train as a warrior. After rescuing Yellowfang, ex-medicine cat for the ShadowClan who has fled for her life, Firepaw and the other ThunderClan members find themselves in the middle of a turf war against the rival gang, led by the nefarious Brokenstar. There's a traitor in their midst, though, and Firepaw must learn more than just hunting and fighting to survive. The author has created an intriguing world with an intricate structure and mythology, and an engaging young hero. The supporting cast of players is large and a little confusing, but there are standouts who give dimension to the tale. The difficult life of a feral cat is described in some detail, and a fair amount of violence is included. The ending is left ambiguous-there is definitely more to come. This is not as elegantly written as Brian Jacques's "Redwall" series (Philomel), but it's another option for fans of animal adventure/fantasy stories.
Mara Alpert, Los Angeles Public Library
Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information, Inc.

THUNDERCLAN GRRRROWWWWL!!!

I wonder if he was a teacher... hmmm downtown on State St. on a Tuesday? Probs not. A very responsible... grandfather? Who decided he must read Warriors: Into the Wild to make sure it has appropriate content for his grandchild? Wait... Brokenstar? Firepaw? Doubtful...

I leave you with one more quote from Amazon:

Inside This Book
First Sentence:
It was very dark.

I'm hooked