WWCND: So... you guys still in school?
Me and Lauren simultaneously: ugh... nooooo, why? How old are you?
WWCND: 29.
Me: Really? Normally guys who are 29 don't bother asking that question.
WW: Naw naw, seriously I'm 29.
Oy. It was pretty much downhill from there, but at least he was entertaining. He claimed to have majored in Engineering in undergrad, and then gone to law school and now he's a personal injury lawyer. I can't make this shit up people. Anyway, turns out he's just buttering us up for his friends! Yes, he was a gen-u-wine bar fluffer. It was weird. So naturally I told him I was married and Lauren has a boyfriend. He was a good sport about it, some guys get all offended or whatever. He introduced us to one of his friends standing nearby anyway and his friend got one sentence out before he declared to him how I was married. Which, I do not care being called out because I am and I'd rather not put up false pretenses.
So this guy looks at me and with a straight and very serious face says "So what are you doing at the bar?" What am I doing at the bar??? What does it look like I'm doing? I'm enjoying a beer with a friend while getting buttered up by your fluffer friend over here. And now I can see why you need him because you are apparently void of any and all people skills.
I apparently had one too many because it virtually ruined the rest of my night which I spent thinking up better things to say back to void people skills guy than what I did say which was "I'm having a few beers with friends." What I could/should've said:
"What are you doing at the bar?"
1."Well I know what YOU'RE doing at the bar."
2."You're right, I should be at home having endless hot sex with my husband, but instead I'm talking to jerks like you."
3."Trying to pick up guys since my husband's out of town. HAHA! Oh no, that's what you were hoping I'd say isn't it?"
4."Drowning my married life sorrows with crazy amounts of drinking. Woe is me... woe."
5."Hoping Girls Gone Wild will show up. I'm determined to get on their Desperate Housewives edition."
6."Shopping for sperm donors. We're having trouble conceiving and we figure this is cheaper than invitro."
7."I'm sorry, all I heard was 'blah blah blah I'm desperate'."
8."Apparently attracting assholes."
9."I have this weird disease where if someone doesn't make a jerkass comment to me every hour I die. Thanks for filling the quota."
10."Hoping my husband doesn't catch me because then the whole 'fake pregnancy' story is totally blown!"
RANDOM KITTY BONUS PIC!
