Quittin Time

Survey: What do you think would be the most amusing way to quit your job? Add to these suggestions in the comments section.

Suggestions:

A. Any time anyone asks you for anything say 'no'.

"Nicole, will you forward this email to so and so"
"No."

"Nicole, are you going to answer that?"
"No."

"Nicole, can you tell me - "
"No."

B. Give yourself a pedicure at your desk.

C. Start wearing questionable t-shirts to work like: "My parents beat me & I turned out fine." or "Gin and Jews" or "Mojitos, mo' problems."

D. Walk past a conference room, double over like you're going to puke, dry heave, stand up, wave, carry on.

E. Put up various pictures of yourself with random drunks at bars, top optional, cross-dressers preferred.

F. Show up at the Holiday party and offer to get everyone a drink. The next day at work ask for your money back and insist it was a cash bar.

G. Make up things about your department/specialty and insist you're right.
"Why would I ask for an 80MVA transformer, clearly I said 80GVA."
"Isn't that really big?"
"Well then how do you explain how an ipod can hold 80GB??? HMM?? OBVIOUSLY a transformer is more powerful than an ipod. Jesus!"

H. Start commenting under your breath about everybody's outfit.
"Cannot beLIEVE she thinks those colors go together."
"What?"
"What?"

I. Insist the printer is broken. Always. All four of them.

J. Start calling your boss a catchy nickname like "Butch" or "Kid" or "Speedy."

K. End all sentences with a religious connotation (not necessarily yours).
"The document went out today Praise Allah!"
"The computer, God Bless it so, keeps fucking crashing when I'm on Excel, sweet baby Jesus."

L. Interrupt all work-related conversations to talk about your cats. No it doesn't matter if you really have cats.
"So we're going to have to get these out by -"
"OH MY GOSH that reminds me, so last night I was about to go out and Fluffy and Spotty were all like 'mew!' and I was like 'mew?' and they ANSWERED ME!"

M. ???

Letters to George

Every have that one co-worker that always picks at you? And it seems like no matter what you say or do the situation never gets better and never goes away? You just keep getting completely whack-o emails and there's no way to remedy the situation!

If only you could just tell your co-worker off!

Well do it! VENT! Write your 'Dear George'.

Dear George,

No I will not make out with you.


Dear George,

Drink the Kool-aid.

Cheers!


Dear George,

Late at night, when I'm in bed, naked, I think of you...


...dying in a fire.
Sweet Dreams!


Dear George,

I'M A REPUBLICAN!


Dear George,

Hey! Know what I like? Kittens!
Know what I don't like? YOU!


Dear George,

The common loon (Gavia immer) is a bird found in Northern Michigan and other parts of the US / Canada Border.

The office loon (Psychovia Georgimmer) is a loser found in the front office.

Both should be shot upon visual contact.


Dear George,

I love it when you talk dirty

Thinking of you!


George,

I know I can help you, but first we have to test your thetans.


George,

I think of you when I clean my toilet, you're both full of sh*t!


Dear George,

You know when you're a kid and you're parents get divorced they tell you it wasn't your fault? They lied.

Come on! Give it a try! Write a Dear George!

*Special thanks to Joanie for her contributions ;)

It'll make you feel better, I promise!

Crazy M

I haven't posted in a while, so I thought I would this morning with some amusing stories about my podmate.

I work in a cubicle with three other people, and the girl across the corner is a little wacky. For instance, she'll blurt out personal questions during total silence. One day I was sitting at my computer, back to her and I hear, "ARE YOU HAVING KIDS?" What if I were barren??? Not to mention that's none of her business. Okay, whatever, a little strange.

Last week she let out a loud burp followed by "Excuse me!", and then burped AGAIN and said, "ExCUSE me!" and then started laughing hysterically. Seriously, laughed for quite a while everyone else just kind of sat there awkwardly. So she's a little socially inept.

She'll also count out drawing numbers, out loud, hundreds of them. A little annoying.

So it really didn't surprise me that today she comes in and she's got the sniffles... awww... She decides to do what any other person would do, stuff kleenex up both her nostrils. It's hanging out for everyone to see. Hotness.

I guess she just kind of adds to the wacky atmosphere here at the office.

There's the whistling guy. Thankfully he's stopped since I've asked him, I've given him credit for that. He's made such amazingly condescending comments to me like, "I guess you're not just another pretty face" and "Good job, I'm proud of you!" when I'm speaking in Spanish to someone.

I think my favorite is the guy who uses outdated emoticons in everything. EVERYTHING. Every email even to our client! I practically peed my pants when I saw the following message in a conference room:

"Room Reserved for 11/9
and 11/10 :>/"

Yes, he wrote out the colon, carrot and backslash.

I could go on about some others, but right now I think these are my favorites.