Anything You Can Cook I Can Cook Better

Lovin' the shots of Chicago, makes me so happy.

Pizzaria Uno's! I want pizza... Enter Colicchio and Padma. Is Colicchio on a box?

Elimination Challenge Time!

Me: Joe, peaches, fennel sausage, thoughts?
Joe: Oh that's a great combination!

Sure enough Rocco was dubious and the peaches prevail. Yet again solidifying my opinion that Rocco is a giant beotch. Go defrost some Bertolli and leave us alone! Or at least take off your shirt.

Flash to Nimma saying she's not going to socialize with the other chefs. We've all heard this before, and it doesn't give you any sort of advantage. Yet, I can't say it gives you a disadvantage either, unless you count being held down by two of your teammates and being threatened that they'll shave your head a disadvantage.

Joe: Oh that girl's gone!

Back to the kitchen.

Me: Joe, what's the deal with the souflee?
Joe: A good souflee uses egg whites that are beaten into stiff peaks and then you carefully put it into a dish and then into an oven of the right temperature. It's supposed to rise up out the dish like a chef's hat.
Me: ermmm...
Joe: They showed perfect ones on Ratatouille.
Me: OOOOooooh!

Me: Joe, shrimp marinated in parsley? That's weird to me.
Joe: No, that's the classic recipe, loads of butter, parsley, maybe topped with a lemon wedge.

Me: Stephanie's like, YES Bourdain loves my duck, please come live with me so I can feed it to you and you can tell me how great I am over and over again.

Richard has effing smoke come out of his dish. All I can say is thank God there is none of that stupid foam Marcel was so fond of in the past seasons. Let's see some new gastro-nomical creations and you do not have to use the FREAKIN' FOAM! Liquid nitrogen pleeeeeeeeease! I have had food made with lasers and liquid nitrogen, and trust me, it was delicioso, and that's the whole point right?

Joe: Here's my big idea: Fast food, slow food. You have two animals go head to head, one eats the other and then you eat them both. Round 1 - Cheetah vs. Turtle.
Me: You're pretty.

Chef's Table

Hey, I seemed to have misplaced my douche, has anyone seen - "Guest chef Rocco DiSpirito" never mind! Never mind everybody! False alarm.

Bourdain, "Loved your dish, great flavor, great composition, great color, great texture, loved it!" Stephanie's like, one more time! Pleeeeease!

Stephanie wins!! YEA CHI TOWN!! I highly suspect that Bourdain held down DiSpirito and threatened to mushroom stamp him if he didn't give the win to Stephanie. At least, that's how I envision it...

Ok, why didn't Stephanie get a special prize?? Joe says she should get - never mind, you don't want to know. He's dirty. He's spending too much time with dirty boys.

Colicchio, "A milanese is breaded in bread crumbs, there is a difference between the two. And it was just the coating of bread crumbs was way too thick. Way too thick."

Joe: OWNED!

Rocco, "Let's just say it wasn't just his gnocchi that was dense." Taking notes at the chef's table... note to self: gnocchi is tough... dense... please God have this guy say something stupid so I can use my line about the gnocchi, man that would be so badass. I gotta get more quips than Bourdain this season.

Little plug here, the best gnocchi I have ever had was cooked by Tony from The Filthy Libertine. Just throwing it out there... mmmmm little pillows of heaven.

End of episode one. Let's revisit the past for a moment. Season 1 winner of the first round: Harold. We all know how that ended. Season 2: Ilan, again season winner, although he was not my favorite and his drama with Marcel made me threaten not to watch season 3, and the only reason I did was because a chef from Chicago was on it. Season 3: Trey. Many argue he could've gone all the way. He did go far, but flopped in one of the last challenges. I think the point here is, if you stick out in the first round, when the group of badass chefs is at the all time high for the entire ordeal, you're going to stand out for the rest of the challenges. I hope Stephanie continues to be a head above the rest!

You all should know Joe's been cooking soup this entire time with his own stock made from scratch. He first put all his ingredients in their own little separated bowls. Now, if only I could find him a cheetah and a turtle...