Oy....

So I did not go to ballet yesterday because I've been having back issues. I'm hoping my back issues will lead to a doctor's appointment that goes something like this:

Doc: Nicole! There seems to be only one cause to this problem.
me: Oh really, one?
Doc: Well... two. I'm afraid you're going to need an emergency breast reduction right away.
me: Emergency?!
Doc: It's that grave. Of course this means it'll be totally and completely free of charge, in fact I'd do it pro bono if the hospital had any issues. Let's face it, your size is... well... obscene. I'm surprised this didn't become worse sooner, you must have quite the pain tolerance.
me: Well when I was little I did dare the kids in the playground to try and make me cry by stomping on my toes... I never did.
Doc: Hmm... we might want to get you a psyche consult as well...

Ah yes... I'm guessing it won't quite go that way...

So this morning, I went to work, as I normally do. Got into a mildly crowded elevator and proceeded to be tortured with the most unfunny trying to be funny conversation EVER. Why do all engineers think they're hilarious?? This was one of those conversations you KNOW the guy had with someone else (poor bastard) because it sounds so rehearsed. Imagine this entire conversation delivered in monotone.

Guy1: My son's moving to New York, so I told him, "You can transverse your L skills over there."
Guy2: Oh yes definitely
me: wtf?
Guy1: The standing, the leaning.
Guy2: Exactly how much to lean with all the people... egress
me: you are both clearly from the suburbs
Guy1: ha. ha. Yes egress. When to get on and off.
me: is this my floor? ... fuck...
Guy2: Finding a space to go in when it's crowded.
me: go faster elevator!!!

This is what I'm subjected to day after day after day after daaaaaaaay...