Adrian Aucoin re-injured his groin early in Wednesday night's loss to Philadelphia and did not return to the game.
Girls do have groins (a groin? does groin get pluralized?), and the ballet word for them is "turn-out." Right now I can give you three different stretches for your groin ladies, oh yes! Little did you know men desire a well stretched out groin in a woman.
#1 This one you know well. You sit with your knees bent, feet together and push your knees to the floor. Try and lean over each knee while keeping your butt on the floor.
#2 Spread those legs as wide as you can and push your self to the floor inbetween them. Make sure to keep your knees and toes upright instead of pointing forward.
#3 This one I've nicknamed 'Spread Eagle.' Lay on your back and put your butt against a wall and then spread 'em. Let gravity take each foot to the floor.
Today we had someone from the more advanced class making up one she missed by taking ours. She was in pink tights, pink shoes, black shorts and black scoop neck top... zero boobies. And she was good. I hate her sallow long ballet face. I'm just kidding, I'm sure she's a very lovely girl... for her anorexic physique. I'm so ballerina jealous my shoes are turning green with envy.
We practiced turns today and I have to say ::gulp:: my horrible mother was right when she said we shouldn't be practicing turns yet. Grrrr Who actually likes when their mother is right? The hardest ones to do are ones where you are standing in place. I feel more confident doing the ones when we go across the room, even though I get dizzy because I keep forgetting to spot! I thought I had that down! Anyway, when we were practicing just half turns in place, they were really hard! We had to point out to the side, back into fourth position (feed parallel in back of each other, one a step back from the other) and then up on your toes with one foot at your knee and TURNATTHESAMETIMENOWGO! Ah yes, and lest we forget the elusive arm movements. I have a hard time balancing up on one foot for a long time without the barre (oo ballet speak!). I was glad when we switched to turns going across the room.
Miss Advanced Class was turning out perfect ones. I had to ask her what she was even doing there. Naturally, she turned out to be perfectly nice (damn her!). She even said she was the worst one in the advanced class and that all those dancers had never stopped taking lessons. No wonder they looked at me like I had horns when they walked in on my first day and Ms. Perky was teaching me the basic positions. Oh the humiliation!! All those pink tights in one room, you'd think you're at a drag show.
I have to say, though, I am not the best in the beginners, but there are actually people worse than me! I swear it's true! I don't know if they're just too embarrassed to really try or what. All I know is that there are definitely at least four that I'm better than. That's four out of nine which puts me right smack in the middle, just good enough to get by... I'll take it!
There's 'I look like a ballerina' girl. She had the tights, coolats and a lacy cami, her stretches are crazy good. But she can't get the steps worth shiat. Then there's 'I'm giggly about how I'm so bad' girl. She's I.L.L.A.B. girl's sporty friend who is too timid to really try and jump or turn. Their posse ends with 'I'm awkward and a little frustrated' girl. Who looks like she's really trying, but it's just not happening. The last person I think I'm better than is the older woman. She has a harder time putting the feet and the arms together than I do. Meanwhile t-back, who I think is either her husband or her lova, is trying so hard he's wearing those tights out!
Finishing up left me in a pretty good mood and I went home to be greeted by my boys.
No, no, please, don't get up. Even though I saved you from some horrible person who would probably never EVER feed you lunch meat... EVER. So in restitution for my horrible greeting, I will now post HUMILIATING PICTURES OF YOU MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Do you believe they kicked me out of the country club for not wearing pants???
How could you wear your green polo? I TOLD you I was going to wear mine! GAWD!
#1 This one you know well. You sit with your knees bent, feet together and push your knees to the floor. Try and lean over each knee while keeping your butt on the floor.
#2 Spread those legs as wide as you can and push your self to the floor inbetween them. Make sure to keep your knees and toes upright instead of pointing forward.
#3 This one I've nicknamed 'Spread Eagle.' Lay on your back and put your butt against a wall and then spread 'em. Let gravity take each foot to the floor.
Today we had someone from the more advanced class making up one she missed by taking ours. She was in pink tights, pink shoes, black shorts and black scoop neck top... zero boobies. And she was good. I hate her sallow long ballet face. I'm just kidding, I'm sure she's a very lovely girl... for her anorexic physique. I'm so ballerina jealous my shoes are turning green with envy.
We practiced turns today and I have to say ::gulp:: my horrible mother was right when she said we shouldn't be practicing turns yet. Grrrr Who actually likes when their mother is right? The hardest ones to do are ones where you are standing in place. I feel more confident doing the ones when we go across the room, even though I get dizzy because I keep forgetting to spot! I thought I had that down! Anyway, when we were practicing just half turns in place, they were really hard! We had to point out to the side, back into fourth position (feed parallel in back of each other, one a step back from the other) and then up on your toes with one foot at your knee and TURNATTHESAMETIMENOWGO! Ah yes, and lest we forget the elusive arm movements. I have a hard time balancing up on one foot for a long time without the barre (oo ballet speak!). I was glad when we switched to turns going across the room.
Miss Advanced Class was turning out perfect ones. I had to ask her what she was even doing there. Naturally, she turned out to be perfectly nice (damn her!). She even said she was the worst one in the advanced class and that all those dancers had never stopped taking lessons. No wonder they looked at me like I had horns when they walked in on my first day and Ms. Perky was teaching me the basic positions. Oh the humiliation!! All those pink tights in one room, you'd think you're at a drag show.
I have to say, though, I am not the best in the beginners, but there are actually people worse than me! I swear it's true! I don't know if they're just too embarrassed to really try or what. All I know is that there are definitely at least four that I'm better than. That's four out of nine which puts me right smack in the middle, just good enough to get by... I'll take it!
There's 'I look like a ballerina' girl. She had the tights, coolats and a lacy cami, her stretches are crazy good. But she can't get the steps worth shiat. Then there's 'I'm giggly about how I'm so bad' girl. She's I.L.L.A.B. girl's sporty friend who is too timid to really try and jump or turn. Their posse ends with 'I'm awkward and a little frustrated' girl. Who looks like she's really trying, but it's just not happening. The last person I think I'm better than is the older woman. She has a harder time putting the feet and the arms together than I do. Meanwhile t-back, who I think is either her husband or her lova, is trying so hard he's wearing those tights out!
Finishing up left me in a pretty good mood and I went home to be greeted by my boys.
No, no, please, don't get up. Even though I saved you from some horrible person who would probably never EVER feed you lunch meat... EVER. So in restitution for my horrible greeting, I will now post HUMILIATING PICTURES OF YOU MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Do you believe they kicked me out of the country club for not wearing pants???
How could you wear your green polo? I TOLD you I was going to wear mine! GAWD!
1 comment:
Again, brilliant humor. Sometimes I want to start a dance class after I read your post, then I remember I don't even LIKE ballet. Love the kitties. You should check out my Facebook page. I have baby pictures of Madison from when she was 3 weeks old. Hope all is well.
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